Yellow Moments

I assume that about 95% of Filipinos are now hooked to their TV screens, if not already out on the streets, just to pay their last respects to "Tita Cory." And this is only the "transfer" from La Salle, Greenhills to the Manila Cathedral. I could only imagine how much more will be out on the day of the burial itself.

Cory was our country's president on the day I was born, and her term ended when I was three. I have no memories of her leading the country -- all I knew was that every time I saw her face on TV and on the papers, I'd shout "Nanay!" since she looks a lot like my grandmother. But despite my "innocence" during her presidency, I cannot help but shed a tear for the woman who was more of a "lola" than a president in my eyes. And mind you, these tears are precious, since I can't even imagine being teary-eyed for the other presidents, especially the one who seems to be enjoying her throne.

***

This may sound crazy, but somehow, I envy those who call themselves, "the martial law babies." Of course I am happy with the kind of freedom our country is enjoying (and sometimes "abusing"), and I would never wish, even for my worst enemy, all those acts of torture that happened during the martial law. But it's hard for me to appreciate freedom and democracy as much as they do, since I never knew how it felt without it. It's difficult to relive the "magic" of edsa 1, since I was never there to actually experience it for myself. Books and videos could not give me the spirit of edsa, and as much as I want to feel it, it's close to impossible, without having personal memories to rely on.

If God would grant me the chance to go back to a certain point or day in history so I could see it for myself... without any doubts, I 'd go back to edsa 1.

***

But this "magical feeling" that comes with Cory's death somehow did something good for me. Aside from mourning for her death and celebrating the life she has shared with every Filipino, I also felt the need to re-read history books and to start asking questions about what happened way back then. To our generation, what most of us knew was that "Marcos was a dictator and he declared martial law," "A lot of people were tortured and killed," "There was a curfew back then," "Everything that was on TV and print and radio was screened by the government (or else)," "Ninoy was assasinated on 1983," "The Edsa revolution happened on 1986." Whatever happened from 1965 to 1971, 1973 to 1982, and 1984 to 1985, I really had no idea.

So I started to read up last night and asked my "mom-the-martial-law-baby," questions such as "What happened on this day and that?" I must admit, I'm far from being a wiz when it comes to the martial law period and the years after, but somehow I was able to learn a few stuff that I never really learned in my eleven years of studying Philippine history (What was on our books then?), and some personal stories as well. (Including that of my mom trying to protect a "baby" me, from bombs that were suddenly falling from the sky, during a coup de' etat staged against President Aquino. We were living in UN Avenue back then and one of the Malacanang gates was two to three blocks away.)

I'm still trying to learn, and absorb, more of our Philippine history, and I'm looking forward to buying a good, detailed, interesting, and credible book about it. (Think you could refer any?) Anyway, I guess this is also because I've always wanted to be like my lolo, who is always ready to give detailed answers when it comes to questions in history -- and that's just stock knowledge.

***

Cory is gone -- but I still can't imagine a fight for our freedom without her. It was always her and Cardinal Sin. And when Cardinal Sin "retired" and watched us from the heavens, there was still Cory to rely on. Now, without Cory, I don't know who else to trust. Without her, I have no idea how people will find comfort in knowing that they are on the right side, seeing that she is also joining them on the fight. Without her, as our "Democracy Icon," I still don't know how we can stand together in every battle, without someone to keep us strong. There will be no more reassurance from a "mother," that what we do is right. In the war for freedom, Cory was "everyone's someone to lean on." She inspires everyone and gives the right words and ideas to keep us going in this fight.

It's just sad that she had to leave at a time like this, when there is hardly any politician we could actually trust. We will all be seeking Cory's "heart" in every political rally... And yet, all that is left, and all that we'll see, are those with only political ambitions in their minds.


***

I was already around when edsa 2 happened. And yet it was not as magical as the first one. Maybe because during the first edsa, the Filipinos became happy and satisfied with the "motherly love" that Cory gave to our country. However... The aftermath of edsa 2 never really gave us the feeling of satisfaction. You get the point.;)


***

With Cory's death, the "magic of edsa" was felt once again. Despite being in the heavens, she still manages to bring us together to feel the true spirit of freedom. But somehow, I am afraid of what's about to happen, thinking that this might be just another novelty, another "phase." What really matters is what happens after Cory's burial: will the magic last? or will these yellow ribbons be just another fad?

This magic will only be put to a test a few months from now: Come election day, let's see if Cory's love for the country really rubbed on us all, or it's just one of those "Jun Lozada moments."